Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Time For Everything

Ever heard the saying "Time heals all wounds"??? I know I have. Especially just recently. As many of y'all know, I just moved from the only home I knew. It is very difficult.... hardest thing I ever had to face. I was hurt. The pain was sooooo deep. I felt as though I had been stabbed with a really sharp knife and that someone kept twisting that knife in my heart. It hurt really bad. I left my home and 'family' on August 1st of last year. Hardest day in my life. I didn't mind the moving or cleaning or stress, but the thing that hurt me the most was the tears. The first person that I said a deep good bye to was M.O.M (my other mom). Mrs. Hallman has been like a mother to me ever since I met them. When I said good bye to the Hallmans, I said good bye to her first. It was hard. I could feel the love when we all said good bye. I didn't want that to go. As we settled in our new area, I kinda fell into a rebellion of sorts. I wanted (still do) to go back home sooooooooo bad. The pain was just too hard for me to bare. I felt like curling up in a corner and dying. I didn't wanna feel anymore. I wanted to stop feeling anything and everything. I shut the world out and tried to not let anyone in. Sadly, this is true, I felt as though God just forgot about me and was enjoying hurting me. I was angry. Sad. Heartbroken. Hurt to the 10th degree. I even shut Him out. The only one I let in was my older sister, Bekah. I thank God for her every day. Even though she's 2,039 miles away from me (according to Google Earth), I could feel the love, the concern, the sympathetic pain all the way. I never even told her most of my problems, but she knew..... somehow. (We both agree that it's because we're soooo much alike, it's scary sometimes. No joke.... I'm her BJ :P ily sis) She helped me soooo much. Helped make me stand. Helped make me get strong. The pain wore off eventually, and now I'm coping with this new life... at least, trying to. I wish I could be with my sisters, my different moms, my brothers, my buddies, but I know that even though 1,000,000,000,000 miles could NEVER ever separate my love for them. They're ALWAYS gonna be with me. I'll see some strange thing that will remind me of them and I'll smile and hurt just a little, but my smile and God's help conquers it. Anyway, as I said, I turned from God for a few months. I didn't want him in. But, just this last Sunday, we were at church and there was a guest preacher there. Very good preacher. I learned that the best way to win a non-believer to Christ is to become his/her best friend. But that's for another time. :P He told us to flip to Ecclesiastes something (I don't remember lol) and my Bible stopped on Ecclesiastes 3. If you don't know that chapter, it's the 'time' chapter. I read it, because I remembered that I used to like it. This time it hit me differently. It showed me God has a purpose and time for anything and everything. A time to hurt. A time to smile. A time to change. After I read it a few times, I quietly prayed and asked Him to forgive me and control my life. It's soooo amazing how different you feel when He's in control. His mercy is over-whelming. I can't believe He'd still love me after hurting Him soooooooooooo much. It's just so amazing. So, now, I'm doing much better with my present condition and I'd like to say this to all those with similar problems: STOP!!!! Don't push God away. He wants to help. He wants to heal you. He wants you to hurt. I know that in about 37-38 days, I'm gonna be back with my girls, but only for a little bit. And I know, I'm gonna hurt when we leave again. Because this time, I don't know when I'll see them again. It's gonna hurt more than ever, but I know this, too: I'm gonna be fine. God is with me. I'll hurt, my girls will hurt, everyone will hurt at some point, but there is a time to hurt. God wants us to hurt so we can turn to Him so He can heal. It's all in God's hands.... His time. Just don't push God away like I did, because you will hurt yourself, everyone around you, and God. Give up, stop pushing. I'm putting the Ecclesiastes chapter passage on here, and I want you to read it. I mean REALLY read it. Analyze it. Soak it in. Understand it. I bolded and italicized the verses/phrases that hit me differently. That helped me see that EVERYTHING is in God's time. Ecclesiastes 3:1-14 To every thing there is a season, and a TIME for every purpose under the heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace. What profit hath he that worketh in that for which he laboreth? I have seen the travail which God hath given to the sons of men to be exercised in it. He hath made every thing beautiful in his TIME. Also He hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end. I know that there is no good in them, but for a man to rejoice and to do good in his life, and also that every man should eat and drink and enjoy the good of all his labor: it is the gift of God. I know that whatsoever God doeth, it shall be for ever; nothing can be added to it, nor anything taken from it. And God doeth it, that men should fear before Him. "Oh, but no one knows, not you or me, it might be tomorrow or it might never be. Oh, but don't lose faith, put it in His hands, 'cause it might be that He might have a bigger plan than you had in mind. Miracles happen in God's time."
{Randy Houser, "In God's Time"}


Hannah said...

Hey Brooke! I'm sorry that I haven't called/texted you yet. We have been away from home(read my blog for more info) and your number is at home! Ill try this weekend!

That is a very good post! Very encouraging! Just thank the Lord that you still have all those friends! I lost most of my friends becuase someone decided to lie about me... Praise the Lord I still have my siblings!

Luv u!

Brooke said...

hey Hannah!!! Good to hear from you. first of all: COOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sooooooooo excited for your family. I hope this little baby will be strong and healthy when he/she is born. I'll be praying about it!!! :D (hope it's a girl!!!) Weekend sounds great but i should warn you, i don't talk much on weekends b/c I'm so stinkin busy running around and i hate talking to friends when it's so loud at the store lol.

Thanks. :) I'm soooo thankful for my dear friends. They've helped me soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much. <3 I'm sorry to hear about that. I can't believe anyone could lie about someone that they claimed as a friend. I know how it feels when friends turn on you though. It's for the best though, gets them out of your life and you won't have to deal with them or their lies anymore. They obviously aren't friend material then. I know it hurts though, but that pain will eventually fade away. Siblings are awesome too. :D:D
luv ya too!!

Bekah said...

Sweet BJ...I love you so much. I'm so thankful the Lord let me be a part of your life when you needed it...because I have been there felt that too (which of course is why I understand!). You mean so much to me, lil sis <3

Brooke said...

hey bek. <3 you mean sooo much to me too. Thanks for being a part of my life, 'specially when I needed you the most. *hug*

Bekah said...